TGIF

This week has been crazy. Sad to say but my biggest accomplishment today was making it through the day without tears. I spent the first part of the day trying to convince myself that I do in fact love my job and at the same time reminding myself that I cant afford to quit my job. I know I should be thankful I have a well paying job when so many people dont. I spent the second part of my day counting down to bedtime for the kids. I dont know if my glass half empty approach to the day was because Ive forgotten to take my medicine for a few days or because of what today is to me. I wont get into it but Im no fan of Sept 23... at all. For all I care it can fall right off the calendar. Thank goodness for my Alex who never fails to make me forget everything. Tonight I put him in the tub and he splashed and played with the biggest smile on his face. Its times like that when I am so in love with him that I feel so guility for the times I am so disconnected from him. This week hasnt been too bad, he has been sleeping a little better which always helps but I still have times when I can look at him and feel nothing which no sweet baby like him deserves. Thats when I get to thinking about how his sisters and him deserve so much better for a mother. I guess all I can do is try my best.